can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
