i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
