When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can I color on your dick again?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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