Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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