New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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