for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
