dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
