you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
