32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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