Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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