It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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