Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
