In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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