a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
