I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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