worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
