im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
