Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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