I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How naked do you want me to be?
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