Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
