could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
