I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
