she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
