Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
