I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
