He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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