ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
