I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it glows. i had to have it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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