Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
