I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
