My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
