well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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