1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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