I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
