So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
