You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
