U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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