omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
