I want to have your abortion
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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