I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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