fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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