You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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