No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
