it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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