she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
