That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
then he tried to convert me to islam
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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