I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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