I love having hate sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
