No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
