Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
