I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
