hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
