At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
